Sunday, June 28, 2009

Bitchboys Who Drop Their Pants At The Urinal (or tree or whathaveyou)

One of the most pathetic sights a grown man or teenager can witness occurs in the men’s public bathroom (usually but as you will see in the pictures it is not limited to there). This isn’t so much awkward as it is just pathetic. It makes every man (or at least should) in the room just shake their head in shame of the person who commits such a travesty to manhood and masculinity. For some reason these people were brought up thinking it’s ok to drop their pants when they took a piss. Now who told them this was ok?
First of all, it’s mildly inappropriate to give the entire bathroom a full view of your bare ass. Secondly, and much more importantly, it makes you look like the biggest bitch the earth has ever seen. Any man will tell you that having his pants at his ankles is one of the most awkward, shameful, and unmanly positions one can find themselves in. Why would these kids actively chose to publicly put themselves in that position?!
Use the fly as it was designed and put your junk out there like a man, like an American. 90% of the time these kids have tighty-whiteys on- come on, are they trying to get laughed at? What it really boils down to, is that it looks like the kids are so afraid that they don’t’ know what to do at the urinal so they just freak out and drop their pants out of a lack of alternative options in their head. This is one of the few chapters for which I find it entirely necessary (especially for the females who have never directly observed such an occurrence) to include pictures:

(I could not find a picture of it at a urinal, after much fruitless searching. If you happen to come across one yourself, please email me immediately.)


  1. Hi,

    Clay, what about pants that don't have a fly? Many athletic shorts are built with this fly-less construction. It's pretty awkward doing a half pull down (i.e. just in the front-- you have to hold it down while urinating)
    Please elaborate or get back to me by phone or email.

  2. Sam- Sorry for the late reply. I think your best bet is to guts it out for 30 seconds and hold the front of the athletic shorts down instead of going with the full pants dropped. Unless you want the whole bathroom to see you look like a 5 year old and probably laugh at you behind your back (or maybe even blog about it)....

  3. You really care about this? I'm older, during high school all men swim class, we swam nude. Was it awkward? NO. Seeing nude swimmers at the urinal was common place. If you are shy, use the damn stall.