Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Farting In The Library (Or Computer Cluster, Or [Insert Silent Tense Area Here]

Skip to 1:18 for the library part. I really respect this kid for just biting the bullet and throwing himself into one of the more awkward situations out there without letting them know it's a joke.

A remarkable incident occurred to me in the computer cluster a few weeks ago. I was sitting there doing work surrounded by many studious college students. Suddenly, I farted. I did not see it coming; I guess I was readjusting my position in my seat and doing so released some seriously awkward gas. I was afraid to look up. Instead I blushed and pretended to be superfocused on the background of the desktop computer.
I looked up and it appeared as if no one had noticed. What is one to do in this situation? They clearly heard it, so why were they pretending they didn’t? I think they just felt too awkward to look up and give me a look or even giggle. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do though; do I apologize? If so, whom would I apologize to? The room? The person closest to me? The chair I was sitting on? My mother? It seems I didn’t really “offend” anyone and had nothing to apologize about and an apology would serve as an icebreaker to bring out the obvious fact that I farted (basically the elephant in the room). However, for some reason I think it’s less awkward if everyone just pretends like it didn’t happen.
One thing my friend thought of to do in such a situation is to turn to the person next to me, with a dead straight face, and say (in a serious voice), “that didn’t happen”. Now I think that would be hilarious but a. the person might not know I’m joking and think I’m a psycho in which case it would be awkward or b. they might not have even heard me fart. In fact, me originally saying everyone definitely heard me was probably just me being super paranoid and selfconscious, not necessarily a fact. I don’t think there’s much to do to recover from such a situation.
Also, one more thing: I’ve been pretending that you’re in the library or computer cluster with a bunch of random grimmer not people you know. Obviously farting in front of your friends is funny but what if this was some girl you met the night before and barely knew but were trying to know and make a good impression on; I think the net sum is you’re fucked.