Thursday, July 1, 2010

Awkward Story Told In Numbered Format; Too Awkward To Be Told In Full Detail

Note: Out of respect for the victims, the names and places have been changed and are fictional. Out of respect for the truth and awkwardness herself, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred. (Stole that from Fargo).

Also this story is told by Lewis (not me) in a very curt manner and in a numbered format. Reliving the exact details of the situation were probably too much to handle. Lewis frequently refers to himself in the third person; he is either very cocky or felt so awkward he actually had an out of body experience in which he watched all of this happen to himself.

Background: Lewis hardly knows Shannon Canavan; has spoken to her maybe 2-3 times in his life.

1. Sit down to watch the soccer game at the Club. Lo and behold Shannon Canavan and her awkward boyfriend sit down next to me--we awkwardly interact for the entire first half.

2. End of first half. Lewis goes downstairs and works out during the second half to avoid further awkwardness.

3. Game ends. Lewis is in despair. Lewis walks by Shannon Canavan and Jon Coleman's girlfriend on way out--mini convesation occurs.

4. Lewis goes to the subway. Sits down on train and Shannon Canavan & Company sit down across from me. No one speaks to each other for the better part of 4 stops.

5. Shannon Canavan strikes up conversation right before last stop. Conversation is awkwardly cut off.

6. Lewis is left with the one girl from Shannon Canavan's crew he has never seen or heard of.

7. Lewis and rando friend (Amanda) shoot the shit (with random 15 second awkward silences interspersed) for 2 stops when she says it's her stop--it's my stop also.

8. Lewis and rando awkwardly shuffle out of the train together. We awkwardly walk and sketchily talk for close to 5 blocks (egregious).

9. After about 1 minute in silence walking together we part ways. No words are spoken.

10. I kill myself.

We all mourn the death of Lewis as well as the tragic events leading up to it. In the meantime, in lieu of flowers I will be accepting more Awkwardize user submissions! Email me!

No comments:

Post a Comment